How To Rediscover Your Confidence

How To Rediscover Your Confidence 

By Mark Wager

Life brings with it a series of setbacks, whether it’s losing your job, seeing your business close down or any number of failures that damage your confidence. Life is easy when things are going well but it’s during our darkest times that we are truly tested and it’s in these times that winners are made. The most successful people I have met have consistently attributed their success to their ability to deal with setbacks and how they have managed to rediscover their confidence when others lose theirs. Now more than ever during the coronavirus pandemic and the subsequent global recession I want to explore what you need to do in order to bounce back more confident than ever before.

Failure is inevitable 

‘The greatest risk to man is not that he aims too high and misses, but that he aims too low and hits” - Michelangelo 

The only way to avoid any setback is to not try. If you set your expectations low then you will never lose confidence because you will always be a winner but what kind of life would that be? A life worth living is one that allows us to discover our limitations and these limitations can only be discovered through failure and with failure comes a lack of confidence, therefore failure is not something to be avoided or feared failure is a natural part of our journey and needs to be embraced because it’s not failure that defines us but how we deal with that failure.

Ignore the doubters 

‘No one can make you feel inferior without your consent “ - Eleanor Roosevelt 

It’s difficult when those around you don’t believe in you. If you have a Boss that doesn’t believe that you can do your job then it’s like having someone beating down your confidence every day. It’s not just ineffective or unprofessional it’s just bullying. However it’s you and only you that decides whether you allow other people’s comments to impact you. If other people want you to feel less than you are then don’t allow them, not necessarily by stopping their comments because that’s not always possible but by seeing those comments as what they truly are, the insecurities of people who want you to feel the same.

Raise your standards 

“If you want to change your life you have to raise your standards” - Tony Robbins 

When confidence is low it’s easy to allow all aspects of your life to be impacted. You might start sleeping longer than normal, do less exercise, not eat as healthy as you would like. This is all natural but there is a danger that these behaviours can create a downward spiral. The more you lose confidence the greater the failure and as the failures increase the confidence diminishes. The best way to avoid this is to maintain and then raise your standards and it can start small. Dress well, eat well and start treating yourself with the love and care that you would want others to give you. Set high standards for all aspects of your life even things that may seem small because with confidence it’s the small things that matter.

Do something that scares you 

‘If you hear a voice within you saying “you can not paint” then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced” - Vincent Van Gogh 

Bonnie Ware is an Australian nurse who spent many years specialising in looking after patients in the last weeks of their life’s. It was during this time that she observed the most common regret that people had when they looked back on their life was that they wish they had the courage to live a life true to themselves, not the life others expected of them. We need to embrace the wisdom of those who have gone before us and learn from their regrets. If there are things you want to do or a passion within you that is going unheard then remember while these passions may scare you there will be nothing you will ever face that is more scary than living with regrets. Push yourself and do something that you never would did previously.

Be authentic 

‘Always be yourself and have faith in yourself. Do not go out and look for a successful personality and try to duplicate it” - Bruce Lee

A common piece of advice I provide when I coach people is to be authentic. You can strive to become better, push your limits and make improvements but you always have to stay true to yourself especially your values and beliefs. I’ve seen people start copying other people’s behaviours in order to feel more accepted and while others may accept you, you will find that you will struggle to accept yourself and your long desired confidence will always be out of reach. Confidence occurs when you are the best version of yourself and not a pale imitation of others 

Talk to someone 

It’s easy to fall into the trap of believing that everyone else is incredibly confident and it’s only you that’s struggling. Lacking confidence can create a feeling of loneliness but you are not alone. Everyone hurts and everyone is dealing with different degrees of setbacks. I spend my time coaching Leaders many of whom are very successful in their roles and it’s common for me to help them deal with self confidence, people who you would never imagine having doubts but they are struggling internally. Loneliness is not the feeling of being alone, it’s the feeling of not believing that anyone cares but they do. Take  the time to reach out to a friend, a family member, a heath professional or anyone in your life that you trust and share your concerns and you will be surprised just how much people are there for you

Mark Wager is the Chief Leadership Coach at the Australasian Leadership Institute. Originally from the United Kingdom but now calling New Zealand his home, Mark shows leaders across the Asia Pacific region how to influence, motivate and inspire their teams. Driven by a frustration of attending many ineffective workshops during his 30 year managerial career Mark has made his passion in life to redefine how leaders are trained.

Mark takes advanced psychological theories and makes them accessible to the modern leader regardless of their background, experience or industry, by developing customised Leadership workshops and individual coaching sessions that combine practical real-life scenarios with a mixture of British wit. Mark dispels the myth that there are certain Leadership skills that can’t be learnt. 

Leaders from some of the regions most prestigious organisations have been trained by Mark including the delegates of the European Union, Weta workshops, Amnesty International, Unicef, Barnados, St Johns, Red Cross, NZ Basketball, NZ Tennis, NZ Hockey, NZ Netball, NZ Rugby League, Ministry of Justice, Department of Internal Affairs, NZ Defence Force, the Fijian Broadcasting Corporation, The Fred Hollows Foundation, Sofitel resorts, Raddison Hotel Group, Te Whanau Waipareira and many more. 

You can contact Mark via the enquiry form below